“Metanoia [n.]: The journey of changing one’s mind, heart, self, or way of life”
I’ve been running away from reality lately. I distant myself from everyone, staying away from school, was sick for almost everyday to the extend people doubted me that am I even sick, studies neglected, crying myself to sleep every night and waking up having a mega migraine and, had the thought of quitting life.
I was really curious that, is my existence affect one’s life? Have I ever be the cause for someone to move on with life and enjoy the itsy bitsy in between. Nah. I had never been one. I had a major breakdown, started to act irrelevantly etc.
I supposed I can’t survive where I am right now and that one day, I called ibu, crying and begging her to bring me out of this place.
She assured me that I’ll be okay, that I was and I am okay.
But, no, I was NEVER okay.
Yes, crazy it is. SPM is like a few months away and me, having the thought of changing study place. I know, completely ridicolous.
I was in a major pressure- the atmosphere doesn’t suit me anymore. I really, really, really need to get out from this place. Of course, my actions made my parents grew worried that they decided to assist me with the school’s admin. A few meetings before finally, I decided to stay.
Now, I am under patrol of a personal psychiatrist and the school’s administration.
Conclusion- I had too much thought about petty matters that, seriously, really don’t effect me in a way and that I put myself in this very hectic situation. But, alhamdulillah, everything’s normal again but I’m not who I am yesterday- starting fresh and clean.
Q have been putting up with me all the way through and I thank her for that. Eventhough we have issues between us, not really about us, but she was there and she will always be. I thought no one in school would have cared about me after all my ridicolous actions. I was totally wrong.
Oh, I happen to find my happy place as well! Definitely will share about it soon.
Have a blissful day! xx