’If everything I do is a personal attack to you, then its gonna be tough’
A very good friend once said that to me in a rather heated argument, and me being the sensitive emotional pixie I am, am thinking about that statement up till now.
I love hard. Friends, boyfriends (if I were to be in a relationship), if I love you I’m pretty all in about it. And sometimes, I get really sad about the smallest of things. Like, why didn’t friend A not ask me out for lunch when they were free, or why are all my friends so happy without me in this picture? The irrational part of me is thinking, omg, they’re doing this on purpose, they’ve left me out, I’m left behind! They’re being happy just to make me sad. I’m guessing to a certain degree everyone experiences this; feeling left out or unimportant, as if someone didn’t want to include you in their happiness. I’m a litttttttle bit more extreme. Sometimes even when people are completely out of my life do something huge, a small part of me can’t help but feel like, oh, their doing this to make me sad.
But it just struck me, maybe people’s pursuit of happiness is not tangent at all to you.
You really really cannot expect anybody to always stop and consider what their choices would do to you and your happiness, because most of the time, if its between fighting for their own happiness or ensuring yours, their going to pick their own. And this isn’t because they are spiteful or mean or inconsiderate, its because the onus of happiness is on you and you alone! So if friends decide to plan a trip without you, an ex got a new partner, people are down your road and having a meet up, its probably because, their thinking about their own happiness. And you cannot force anyone to make your happiness a priority, not family, not your spouse, not your children, not anybody.
But what can you do?
You can start focusing on making yourself happy, and not regard plans that don’t have you in them as a personal attack. It doesn’t mean you’re left behind, insignificant or unimportant, its just, we all have our own destinies to fulfil, and sugar, you’re not going to be the main character in everyones story. Or in anyones story, save your own. So why bother how many times you get cast in somebody else’s movie, direct your own, make it yours.
Be happy. Be happy with yourself, by yourself, for yourself.
And that my friends, is a hard lesson, but one I am intending to finally learn till the end.